Working with baby room leaders, one of the things I hear all the time is ‘Oh, I’m not really a leader’. This is even the case when the word ‘leader’ is in a person’s job title: baby room leader. Are you one of these baby room leaders who feels that they can’t happily wear that label of ‘leader’?
Telling ourselves and others repeatedly that we’re not a leader is a self-limiting belief. It makes it impossible to embody leadership and get better at leadership. Each time we express the idea, whether it’s in conversation or in our own heads, the belief becomes stronger and harder to change.
While it can feel safe and modest to keep on repeating that we’re not really leading, it doesn’t actually help anyone in the long run. It stops us from making progress in our role, it means that our teams experience a lack of leadership and for the children and families we serve, there is no one ready to take responsibility for ensuring that everything is working as well as it should be.
It is possible to transform self-limiting beliefs when we are intentional about it and a great self-limiting belief to start with is ‘I am not a leader’.
Transforming a self-limiting belief involves:
First, identifying the limiting belief and the language you use to express it. You might say ‘Oh, I don’t really lead’, or ‘I’m not actually a leader’ or even ‘I’m just one of the team!’.
Second, you need to shift the language around to open up new opportunities for potential development. This isn’t about stating the opposite belief (e.g. ‘I am a leader’). It’s unlikely that this would stick since psychologically you’ll reject it straightaway as untrue – it probably feels like too much of a leap to take instantly. But what you can do is put forward something a little gentler that takes you to a middle space between the two beliefs: e.g. ‘I am learning to lead’ or ‘Every day, I am getting better at leading others’.
Finally, you can repeat the new belief often enough to yourselves and to others, so that over time it begins to create a genuine mental shift. It might feel a bit uncomfortable at first – like a new pair of shoes – but over time, it will be a go-to message or story that you carry with you.
Practically, you’ll feel the impact of this when you’re encountering situations where you could – if you chose – demonstrate your leadership. For example, if a new member of staff is starting in the baby room, you can either try to influence how that process occurs or you can leave it to drift. If you are telling yourself often enough that you are learning to lead, you’ll be much more inclined to step up and work out what you can do to support that process to work out well.
So how comfortable do you feel referring to yourself as a leader? Or do you find yourself rejecting leadership? What would it take to feel more comfortable with thinking of yourself as a leader?