Caring for babies involves a lot of giving. We give warmth. We give love and affection. We give emotional support. We give attachment. We give stimulation. We give so much. It’s easy to focus completely on the giving nature of baby room work – especially when the pay and conditions of the work leave a lot to be desired!
But it might be helpful to pause and ask the question: What do babies in our care give to us? What do we get from the care we give?
Nel Noddings was an American feminist philosopher who wrote about the nature of care in educational contexts. One of her main ideas was that caring is reciprocal – that carers give, but also receive something special from those they are caring for. From this perspective it makes sense to focus on the warmth and affection we give to babies, but simultaneously to appreciate the warmth and affection we receive. Similarly, we can focus on the love and attention we give but also on the love and attention we receive. The stimulation we offer is met by the stimulation we receive in our work with babies.
Having a focus on reciprocity is helpful for a couple of reasons. First, it helps us to see babies as active agents in the world. Babies don’t just receive everything passively – their actions have an impact on the world around them (one way to define agency). Second, focusing on reciprocity helps us to find joy in the work of the baby room. If we become wrapped up in the sense that caring for others is always draining – that we are constantly giving ourselves to others and never having our own cup filled – it can be deeply demoralising. If instead we think about a dance of love, connection and affection happening between us and the babies that we care for, and we pay attention to the moments when we are on the receiving end of all that they have to give, we can perhaps take heart.
I’d love to know what you think of this idea and whether it feels right to you. What do you get from working with babies? What do you give and simultaneously receive?