In the hustle of daily routines in a baby room, it’s easy to focus on all the doing: the nappies, bottles, tidying and pick-ups. But pause and ask yourself: what truly matters most in a day with babies? When you’re heading home at the end of the day, how do you know it’s been a good day?
The answer is clear: relationships.
Everything meaningful that happens in the baby room is grounded in the quality of the relationships we build with babies. These relationships aren’t built through checklists or tasks—they grow through presence, connection, and the capacity and skill to be with each baby. And in this world, we can’t take the capacity to be with babies for granted. We live distracted and busy lives, focused on the energy of ‘go go go’. Slowing down to be with babies and build relationships that can’t be rushed can be difficult.
Let’s start by thinking about what strong relationships look like in the day-to-day context. There are three aspects we can look out for:
- Knowing each other
- Serve and return
- Moments of meeting
Knowing each other
Strong relationships look like familiarity, attunement, and trust. This means knowing a baby’s needs, preferences, and unique cues. It’s about understanding what comforts them when they’re upset, what makes them laugh, or how they like to fall asleep.
Think of a baby in your room you know particularly well. Perhaps you know she finds comfort in soft textures and needs a cuddle before she’s ready to nap. Or maybe you’ve noticed that he loves quiet moments looking out the window after lunch. This kind of deep knowledge comes from time, experience, and consistency. It can’t be rushed.
Serve and return
At the core of building strong relationships is something called serve and return. This is where babies “serve” a signal—like a sound, look, or gesture—and we “return” by responding in a meaningful way. It’s a back-and-forth that lays the foundation for secure attachment, communication, and brain development.
Serve and return interactions are arguably the most important thing that happens in a baby room. But they require our full presence. Stress, exhaustion, and the relentless pull of practical tasks can get in the way. A helpful question to ask during busy moments is: Am I cleaning or caring? Of course, both are necessary—but the balance matters. Are we making time to truly connect?
Moments of Meeting
Sometimes, in the midst of the day, something magical happens—a “moment of meeting.” These are moments of profound attunement, a term borrowed from infant psychotherapist Daniel Stern. They are the moments when it feels like you and a baby are truly in sync, sharing a deep emotional connection.
You might experience a moment of meeting when:
- You celebrate a baby’s success as they come down the slide and you both beam with joy.
- A baby snuggles into your shoulder during story time, and you instinctively stroke their back.
- You anticipate a baby’s need in a way that only you would know: “Ah, you want milk, not water.”
These moments are brief but powerful. They tell a baby, I see you, I understand you, I’m with you.
Barriers to Building Relationships
Despite our best intentions, several barriers can get in the way to spending our time on building relationships. Retention, time pressures and emotional and physical exhaustion can all play a part in diverting our energy and time away from relationship-building. Another dimension though – and this is our focus here – is the culture of ‘busy-ness’ in which we live, which values doing over being.
In such an environment, it’s easy to get swept up in the motion of the day and lose sight of the relationships at the heart of our work.
A Mindful Approach: Being in the Moment
This is where mindfulness can transform the way we work in the baby room. Mindfulness invites us to slow down, tune in, and be fully present—not just with the babies, but with ourselves.
You can support yourself to be more mindful in the moment by:
- Slowing your movements as you approach a baby
- Placing your hands on your heart or taking a deep breath before responding
- Describing what you see to help yourself stay present: “You’re stretching your hand toward the ball—are you trying to reach it?”
- Getting on the baby’s level and seeing the world from their eyes
You can also support yourself to slow down and be more mindful across the day by:
- Taking one mindful breath during your lunch break
- Stepping outside and noticing something in nature
- Writing down or reflecting on a “moment of meeting” you experienced
- Giving yourself permission to slow down and prioritise connection
The Benefits: For You and the Babies
When you take a more mindful approach in the baby room, you create space for more genuine connection and more moments of meeting. You may find that you enjoy your work more. Stress softens, oxytocin – what some call ‘the love hormone’ – flows, and relationships flourish.
By simply being with babies—not just doing for them—you offer something invaluable: the experience of being seen and known. And in return, you receive the joy that comes from deep human connection.